Mistakes and memories... Part One

Back then.. in the "old days" I thought I was settled.. all be it a kind of uneasy settlement.. Kids, a long term partner.. and a home. But I was still searching for something, I just didn't know what, and I do believe that still stands today. I will always look for something until I feel it fits or it's right..
I met Karen through a weird string of incidents. Her and her partner/wife lived across the road from me and my partner and I bumped into Karen's partner quite by accident. We'll call her Wendy.. probably because that's her name and it would be tiresome to keep typing "The evil controlling one" all the time.  We all hooked up and became friends.. I hadn't met Karen at this point.. Just Wendy.  I was working part time in a small junk shop (more about "that" later) and used to spy this blonde coming home from work daily... in fact me and my partner, who we shall now call Kaz.. used to look outta the window to see the cute blonde.. it was a standing joke !!
Anyways.. One sunny afternoon I was in the shop and Wendy walked in, closely followed by the blonde.. I've never ran fast.. out to the back of the shop I went and spied from afar.. Great.. the cute blonde was Wendy's bird !!!  Typical..
After a few days we met properly over coffee.. and it became a regular thing, the 4 of us would talk/drink/coffee and socialise. Wendy's mother and teenage son also lived in the same house and it proved to be quite a stressful house at times.. Wendy's mother was overbearing on so many levels and during our friendship told Wendy that myself and Kaz were in their house too much. The basics of it was, that Wendy was controlled by her mother.. and so Wendy asked us to reduce visits.. Karen went off like a rocket.. after all.. said Karen.. this was her house and she will be dictated by no one, who she will have in her house and when..
But the touch paper had been lit.. and me and Karen spent more time away from the house than in it, much to Wendy's disgust. We fixed cars, we shopped, we baby sat my kids while Kaz and Wendy went out to Bingo..
During all of this, my mum's health started to suffer and I'd rather keep that to a separate blog.. but it needs stated because I started to fall off the rails oh so slightly, I was visiting my mum daily and watching her fall from her pedestal in such a short sharp jolt through me over the edge, I started to push everyone away. including Kaz. Karen came with me to visit my mum occasionally and the day my mum died Karen was right beside me.
I went into a blackness so deep and dark, that I wouldn't come out of it for a few years to come.
The Spark between Karen and I became a flame that wold extinguish anything and anyone around us within months.
We had both talked, and we had both denied.. purely because Karen was faithful and I just wasn't anywhere..
But the months prior to losing my mum, my birthday arrived.. I drank..lots.. and I wandered over to Karen's to have drink with her and Wendy..  That.. was where it really all started. Karen refused to sit anywhere near me.. I found out later it was because she couldn't hide the want or need... Me.. I was just drunk and lapping up the attention !!
Wendy walked me home that night.. all 2 minutes of it, where I promptly collapsed against my car.. and she decided that this would be a great time to pin me and kiss me.. I guess I responded because I am human.. and I was drunk.. who knows... But that very next morning I told Karen what had happened and it was the excuse Karen needed to get out !!
My memories sadly fail me, and they come back in clips and flashes.. and I struggle to put everything on a genuine timeline, so if things are in a little disarray, I can only apologise.
At some point after my birthday.. I think Karen and I went shopping for Christmas presents.. we stopped on the seafront late this afternoon and we made out in the car ! There were no regrets and no explanations needed.. except for trying to start the car with a dead battery, we shall laugh about this till the day we die.
Karen was a bright light in my world.. she laughed, she loved and had a passion for life that bowled me over. I visited her at her workplace many times and everyone knew we were seeing each other... except our respective partners. The time came when Wendy's mother tried to kill herself in front of us all, for Karen to call it a day on the marriage. She used the kiss between me and Wendy.. and within days I had found her a caravan to move into. Me and Kaz cleaned it from top to bottom and we made it home for Karen.
Over the next few months, I stayed over with Karen many times.. and Kaz didn't question it. Karen was going through hell with the move, as the house had to be handed over, Wendy had trashed most of Karen's belongings and left her with so much debt it was an impossible situation.
But through all of this including my mums funeral and the after effects of that.. Karen settled down and I got a job at the caravan park.. it was a great summer, we worked, we drank, we chilled and we enjoyed being with each other. Myself and kaz were almost strangers.. but still I held onto something wit kaz, I had helped bring up the kids and to be honest she was a safety net I was refusing to let go of. But I still wouldn't admit to myself or even to Karen that we had something to.
I introduce.. Gibson into the picture about now, someone who I had also helped find a home in the caravan park..  and we bounced off of each other in so many ways, she was forward and she made me laugh, and while Karen worked, during the day I spent it with Gibson. I knew there was a spark..and I knew I was crossing the lines between anything I knew. But I was high on something and I responded.. and we made out one day, albeit a brief fumble... it was enough to send me reeling.
I went straight to Karen and I told her what had happened.. why ?? I've no clue to this day.. I could of kept it quiet and no one would know any better. Gibson and I could never of had anything more than a sexual encounter.. she was too forward for me.
Karen, almost quietly accepted what had happened... and slowly we moved on.. I left kaz in a haze of hurt and anger and Karen and I got a house together, We made it the best home ever... from our junk room to our garden and chickens..
Karen taught me slowly and tenderly to enjoy life and all that it offered, she was a tree nymph to the fullest.. and loved being out doors in all weathers. She taught me kite flying... we both had a mutual love for Dartmoor and we spent many moons under the stars, exploring laughing and loving.I have 4 years of memories and I just can't write them all.. But it was a picture of almost bliss.. Kaz was on and off the scene for a while here and there.. she moved on and had what sounded to me like a struggle to settle. But it sometimes became vicious to a point of no contact for years.. even the kids remained in touch on and off.
Prior to me and Karen moving in, me and Kaz had applied to work in asda, which was being built in our town.. and we both got the jobs we wanted.. me on nights and Kaz on days. Asda... was my next downfall..